Pun intended on that title there! It relates to a situation which I was lead into in the last days of 2013 where a lot of my "stock was taken", resulting in me really "taking stock" of where I am at, both as a jewelry crafter and also on my spiritual journey.
It was Christmas eve that the stock was taken, accidentally, by a neighbour's real estate agent when they cleared out my garage, thinking it belonged to my neighbour who had died leaving a deceased estate. It was a tragic mistake, with half of the stock for my Forest Spirit Jewelry work being in there. Not to mention all my tools, furniture and other personal items. I had my creative sanctuary taken away from me. It was heart breaking.
I found out about the loss on Boxing Day, noticing that my key didn't fit the lockto the garage door. It was a shocking moment, not knowing yet what lay behind it. I found out after a few phone calls that the whole garage had been cleared and taken to the landfill of the local garbage dump. My body flooded with grief and sadness. I was shaking and crying; inconsolable. It was such a painful time and it took me about a week to compose myself fully over it. I would wander off into thought and I wouldn't be able to stop the tears. So many beautiful treasures. So much searching to find them all. So many plans for what they were to be used for. So many people who would now not be receiving that special piece that was destined for them. It wasn't just for my own loss that I cried. What I do is my gift of healing to others and it was for them as well that I was crying.
As I came to grips with what had happened I decided to go to the garage and sit there in the emptiness. I sat on the floor, I lay on the ground and cried in the place that had once been so special to me - now it was nothing but a shell - a concrete box. As the crying found its end, I sat up and listened to the birds in the trees outside, smelled the scent of franjipanis from the tree near the door. I took deep breaths and found my peace with the emptiness. So be it. It can't be changed. This has happened and now my challenge is to find the path with the greatest opportunity for growth and expansion.
I began to think about where I was at in life and whether this junction on my path was meant to steer me into some kind of new direction. Was this to be the end of my career with jewelry making? Was it a message from the universe that this was not the path I should be taking right now? It would seem I'd have no choice, at least for a little while. I had long been talking about writing a book, which has still not come to fruition. Each time I look at it I have felt a sinking feeling of inadequacy in not knowing everything I feel should be there, but still, not expressing these ideas plays at my conscience. I know it is something I need to do in this life, and sometimes feel guilty for spending my time in any other way including working on jewelry at times. But the truth is, I had come to a standstill with the subject matter. What I was writing about was Australian Druidry, a subject dear to my heart and one that people seem to know me for these days for having started the Druids Down Under community on facebook. Despite this small fame however, I am no expert in Druidry, nor even really a solid enthusiast: my interests are wide and varied encompassing multiple Pagan traditions, but also Modern Shamanism, Buddhism, Shinto, Sufi and Gnostic traditions. What's more, I also have a deep interest in eco-psychology as well as anything I can get my hands on that has to do with the spirit of the forest - hence the name of my jewelry! I do know a fair bit about Druidry, with having studied it some at university, but in order to write a book about it I felt I should know it in greater detail than I do. I haven't even completed the Bardic level of the OBOD course!
My realisation in that moment was that it didn't matter that I didn't know the details of Druidry. The universe wasn't interested in me writing "about Druidry", it just wanted me to share, and to share what I know, whatever that is called. It was time for a change in direction.
Druidry has been and will continue to be an important structure in my spiritual life. I am inspired by many traditions, but it's Druidry that guides my life the most. The three grades of Bard, Ovate and Druid, as well as the energy of Awen or flowing inspiration, have been very important. The grades of Bard, Ovate until that moment had helped me to shape and direct my learning and experiences. I felt that my time in university was my Bardic training as I learnt to research, memorise, perform and write. When I finished university I ended up falling quite fortuitously and by no real planning into creating Forest Spirit Jewelry. As I was expecting my son's birth within months of finishing uni, I was looking for work that I would be able to do while also caring for him, and it turned out that through facebook I was able to speak to a wonderful community of peopel and share with them my passion for creating these spiritual amulets. It ended up being very rewarding emotionally as well as being able to support us. It was a real blessing. Through it I have realised the shape of my spiritual community and have been able to make amazing connections with the keepers of my pieces. Each piece I feel is created through a link with the energy of the universe; with Awen. It has been a wonderful journey learning about my role as a healer, magician and dare I say, Wise Woman. It has been my Ovate grade in the real world in a very beautiful way.
Each of these stages in my life had lasted about three years. Interestingly, the week before the stock was taken, I had held an initiation ceremony for a friend of mine to begin her Bardic grade. It was exactly six years and two days after my own bardic initiation at Stonehenge some years before. Could it be that it was also a marker of my own movement into the Druid grade? Would the next chapter of my life be marked by leading, teaching, and guiding, exploring ethics and the law and beginning to really share my ideas with the world? It all seemed to come together in that moment. I couldn't help but realise the loss of my stock may involve me learning about the legal system, and considering my ethical values in how to proceed - very Druid-like activities. I felt I had pinpointed my next challenge and its progress was all but inevitable from this point, but how I was to go about it all seemed, and indeed still does seem rather daunting.
Over the next few days after this realisation I was overwhelmed with the generosity of people around me as well as the encouragement of others to continue with my work and not to lose heart. I was given some stones and clay and some powders to start working with again. I was also given a desk and a chair as well as some carpet that I have laid out in the garage now. I have a tiny workable set up that gives me the ability to create again. I felt that there was no need to let go of the jewelry part of my life. When I finished university, my Bardic skills came with me and were used in the Ovate work, helping me to write descriptions of the necklaces. Now, in some new way, I know that my Ovate work will also move into my work as Druid, whatever that comes to be.
The last few months I have certainly been thrown into the deep end with learning about the law and ethics. I have had to spend much of my working days researching my rights and the processes I need to go through to make a claim on the real estate agent, and then when they were fairly uncommunicative, I needed to find out what action to take should I need to take them to court about it. I have never before been one to engage with this sort of thing, but this time, there was too much at stake and to just let it slip would be an injustice not just to myself, but to those who lost out on receiving pieces made from the stones that were lost. I needed to fight this battle for the greater good.
It feels now that I am coming to the end of the battle and that hopefully things will be settled, allowing me to get back to creating more fully, but also to other projects that I am being drawn to, like writing again and teaching but something a little different from Druidry perhaps.... We will see where this road takes me, but I feel it will have a fair bit to do with exploring and sharing what the essence of Forest Spirit is all about.
